i know very well the desire to be irreplaceable. when i look into your eyes and see the blazing sun captured there, that’s when i understand fear of the dark and the cold.
the need to always be in that sunlight moves and changes me. while the stars above me are many, there is only one sun burning in my sky, and that is you. there can never be another, because like the sun, you are also irreplaceable. i find meaning in my meaningless life by using it to prove that to you.

with this year, you’ve been a part of me for half of my life. it’s never been easy, but it’s always been worth it. i need you. i adore you. i love you more than love. happy 13th anniversary, my heart and soul, my fire and my light, my one and only beloved sync. i hope these feelings reach you, wherever you are.

A long time ago, you were a concept to be worshipped and held pristine. Rarely would I hold your name on my lips, careful not to sully your memory. Eyes down, I was at your feet.

It is 12 years later. Some things have stayed the same. The clover flowers blooming in March still remind me of the March you first started blooming in my heart. I still sigh when I think of you. I still fight for you, every day. But more things are different. Today, I want to stand beside you and meet your gaze with mine. I speak to you in ways I never would have allowed myself to back then. I smile and laugh with you. I take every fragment of you into my heart, so that you can become more whole to me, more human.

You are not a god. You’re much more than that— you’re the one I love.

I have already promised you many things. I’ll find you, I’ll always love you, I will lay down my everything for you. Let me make you one more promise today. If you’re looking for meaning to your existence, I’ll give it to you. I’ll get any meaning you want, and I’ll give it to you, no matter how long it takes. You should know that I never break a promise.

On the day that I die for you, if I can look back and see a life spent loving you, it will have been a life worth living. I love you. I hope these feelings reach you.
Happy Anniversary, Sync.

another march. another field of clovers. eleven times now i’ve been brushed by your green hue. another year i get older, another year you stay the same. i continue to hold those sacred promises close to my chest. it seems so long ago now that it’s as if there never was a me unbound to a march the twenty-fourth. it’s as if that day, all those years ago, was the true day of my birth. the day i struggled out of the egg and saw the world for the first time, blanketed in green and clover flowers. and there was you, shining brighter than the sun. in those warm rays did i become truly alive. and so, like the name of the month that wrought me, i march. i march on and on, following the light that trails behind you. as long as i can feel that light, i know exactly where i’m going. i love you. happy anniversary.

I thought I was going to kill myself for you today.

Today, ten years ago, I saw you standing outside St. Binah with the other God-Generals, discussing military strategy. Legretta asked you what to do, and you thoughtfully commanded the troops to withdraw. I don’t think I heard any of that then, though. I could only think about how good-looking you were, noticing how cool your name was. I instantly had a crush on you. From then on, I could only wonder and look forward to the next time I would get to see you, becoming more and more intrigued every time. I figured it was just another one of many crushes I had at that time, and never imagined I would be here, now, writing this ten years later… But when you fell apart on the Tartarus, I fell, too. It came as a shock the first time, and I could only stare ahead, feeling numb. I remember exactly where I was.

I thought I’d never see you again after that. I spent the following days thinking about it, and thinking about you, and hoping against hope that I was wrong. When I heard from Asch in Mt. Roneal that you were alive, I lied down and cried. It truly felt like a miracle. Maybe it was one. I got to see you more. I got to know you better. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. You brought me to my knees.

Over the years my love for you took root in me and grew deeper and more complex, becoming irreversibly intertwined with my being. You are so much of me, and so much to me; my reason, my hope, my light. The rock I cling to. The lord I serve. Everything. I only wish to become worthy of you. I won’t kill myself today, but I’m sure I will eventually. Maybe in another 10 years. This heart that beats for you will stop for you, too. My blood and my breath. My life was always yours. I’m sure I was born to love you.

I promised you long ago that I would always love you, and that I would find you, someday. Whenever I see the clover flowers in bloom I think of those promises. I think of you, too, but you’re already always on my mind and in my heart.
My most precious, wherever you are, please wait for me. Please believe in me. I will meet you there. I will be by your side.

You’ve been in my life for 9 years now. Since the first time I saw you on March 24th, 2012, my world has revolved around you. I don’t believe in such a silly thing as love at first sight, so it wasn’t until I got to know who you really are that I fell for you. The schoolgirl crush I had turned into something much greater then, but it’s undeniable that my life changed for good the moment you entered it.

We’ve had our ups and downs, our breaks, our anguish, our quiet comfort; but I have never left you. And you have never left me. If such a thing as soulmates exist, it would be no greater joy than for me to be yours. There is nobody who could ever compare to you. I promised you two things on that day many years ago: that I would always love you, and that I would find you, someday. I intend to take those promises to the grave, so please, wait for me. Even in times you don’t give me happiness, you give me purpose. I’ve wondered if it might be the case that I need you more than you need me, though I’m afraid such a thought would be selfish.

I have spent the past 9 years learning about you as much as I can. I don’t know how much more information is available to me, but my sincere hope is that I can continue to learn things about you so that I can see you more clearly, love you more dearly, and follow you more nearly, day by day. I love you.